...And We're Back
Autumn, back to School, and back to the grind
Despite January being my birthday month, I am not inclined to make professional resolutions at the beginning of the new year. Instead, the end of summer’s long sunny days and the beginning of a new academic year encourage me to consider my purpose and create new career goals.
After taking some time at the end of August to reflect and rest from the hamster wheel of hustle that is freelancing, my goals for this next season aren’t necessarily about working harder or doing more. I spent the summer creating new routines after much upheaval at the end of spring. Job shifts, family drama, and a busier social: my days are playing out in 1.25x so that I am not scheduling my weeks but my months to fit in an abnormal amount of tasks in a small amount of real estate.
So, this year, I want the entire stretch of a day or an hour to creep by at a steady pace. Again, this is not about doing more during the day; I am not trying to burn myself out. But, I want to bring better awareness to each moment of all that it can offer. It’s a state that I am cultivating while working out. And I know it could be more useful in other areas of my life. A brutal hour-long workout feels like an hour in the way an hour binge-watching two thirty-minute episodes of Bob’s Burgers feels like 15 minutes. My mind must stay with the task on the treadmill or while repping out squats. Thinking about how tired I am or my email count risks not getting the benefits of a movement or hurting myself.
More specifically, I want a depth of focus and calmness of mind to not worry about time so much. Sometimes, the adage works in the reverse for me. Watched pots sometimes boil over because you’re fussing with them too much.
I am slightly superstitious about laying out my goals too clearly. So, instead of speaking specifically about what I want to apply this mindset to work, I will focus more on the how.
This is the feeling of peeling back the layers of your mind to develop an opinion about a complicated novel, album, or artwork. I spend too much time flitting from thing to thing and not enough time sitting with one task in front of me and sorting through my thoughts. In this contemplative state, 15 minutes in front of my favorite Faith Ringgold painting feels like an hour. With all the daily distractions, quieting my mind when approaching a problem is a struggle. But if I could cultivate the focus I slip into at a museum, I could spend less energy revving my engines to go nowhere.
In practice, this means doing some of what I do on the treadmill when I feel intrusions slipping into my workout. Breathe in through my nose into my diaphragm and let the air out slowly, shake out what feels tense, and breathe through the uncomfortable feeling.
It’s a lesson I was better at in college that I have not practiced as much anymore: breathing through uncomfortable feelings to get to the other side. As a teenager, I had a lot to be uneasy about. But also, there was not much I could do to change things. All I could do was try and change my outlook, which meant creating space in my brain to sort out my feelings.
In drafting, when working the nerve to do something scary or taking a risk, turning off my mind’s buzzing and focusing on the moment usually leads to some of my better decisions. It also makes me a better writer and critic. So, through all the specific goals or benchmarks I may create this fall, I want to remind myself to inhale for four counts, hold, and then exhale for six counts. Then I’ll unclench my pelvis and fists, drop my shoulders, and wait for the panic to subside before jumping to the next thing.
Random Thoughts
📚I finished Seven Empty Houses by Samanta Schweblin and I’ll need to read it again because this is one of those books that have you questioning the way you read as well as what you read. Such a great, thoughtful thriller.
🎶 My friends are praying for me because I like Doja’s new song “Demons,” so I probably am falling too hard (get it).
☕️ I tried making my own Pumpkin spice cold foam and I did not get the milk to foam correctly with just shaking a mason jar. IG tricks have failed me, and I should probably buy a milk frother.
🧐 It’s race season and Virgo season. So, I will be birthday-ing from here to eternity, and am not sure I’m ready for this special kind of marathon I’m in.