If you give a bear a Disney World ticket...
When animal meets Magic Kingdom
A bear crawled onto Magic Kingdom on Monday, shutting the park down until it could be caught and safely released. The commotion and hilarity of a live bear being drawn into the chaotic theme park by the smells of juicy forearm-sized turkey legs, cinnamon buns the diameter of a face, and countless other movie-related and Mickey-shaped delights.
My friends and I chuckled that dreary rainy morning, delighting in the silly but strange news breaking up the bleak morning. We wondered if bears could skip the lines at Space Mountain, avoiding even those fast pass lanes. Or if they, too, wanted princess makeovers from Cinderella. Maybe they’d rather join Winnie the Pooh (perhaps an old friend) and his friends for breakfast at the Crystal Palace.
After a lengthy text exchange, we concluded that bears are disappointed that Splash Mountain was removed from the park in Orlando. We figured they also would find the “It’s a Small World After All Ride” equally dull and only useful to beat the heat in a crowded park.
Other Disney-related Bear opinions?
They’re concerned the Dumbo ride uses real animals in their circus and so don’t want to ride.
Brother Bear was also a misunderstood movie that has better bear representation than The Jungle Book or the bear from Fox and the Hound.
Winnie the Pooh was fat-shamed by his peers for his honey consumption and obsession.
Leave a comment with your bear-related thoughts!
But with frequent reports of animals being confrontational or alarmingly close to humans—like the dude who was jacked for his surfboard by a seal or the whales accosting ships—I have started to have the feeling like we’re in that scene in Jurrasic Park where a Dinosaur does something strange that gets rationalized and ignored.
The animal world is warning us that they’re desperate. But we’re writing off these incidents when we should consider the mounting evidence. This sounds like a conspiracy theory; I’m aware. But, it still feels hubristic to believe that animals’ drive to live would not lead them to clash with us, who have threatened their means of survival.
So, in the spirit of combining the humor with my climate anxiety, I’d like to consider this more with some musings in If You Give a Mouse a Cookie style. Here are some lessons I’ve learned or can imagine about dealing with the animal world in this new age.
If you let a beaver join a rafting expedition, he’ll deconstruct the vessel and use the driftwood to bolster his dam.
If you mess with an elephant mom’s baby, she’ll hold a grudge long enough to find your grave and stomp on it.
If you don’t invite a seagull to your beach picnic, he’ll ruin your Instagram shot by swooping low to steal your charcuterie and screw up your selfie.
If you trample into a sloth bear’s home, they’ll move on to their hind legs to scratch your face for being rude.
If you try to challenge a snow leopard to a snowball fight, they’ll chase you off the field.
Random Thoughts
📖 I have finished I Am Not Your Perfect Mexican Daughter by Erika Sánchez, and I’m also finishing Brown Girls. I’m in the mood to read about girlhood for Brown/Black girls in cities tbh.
🍎 I am going apple picking next weekend, and so I am prepping my heart for all the apple-related goodies I will want to bake!
🌧️ it’s been so rainy and humid lately (climate change ftw!) that command strips aren’t sticking to my walls
🔥🕯⬆️ I am dialed all the way into the Joe Jonas divorce saga because it is both celebrity gossip and a peak into the brains of former fundamentalists who are now married and whether they’ve continued to uphold those values!