Is friendship an American value

Scattered thoughts on friendship

A biproduct of a blog dedicated to experimental ideas and unfinished thought: I can track my interests and circle back as I have the time. And in a year I have written about 3-4 posts about friendship. Needless to say, this is now a theme and pattern and so now I must dive in and find new directions for this topic.

In researching more about friendship, I found a stat that more African Americans find satisfaction in their friendships than white Americans. And, this stat really opened up the idea that valuing friendship may be cultural and not just situational. I don’t think it’s coincidental that a group of people who historically have had to often move away from family have had to treat friendships like another kind of family.

There’s a social media video series where a young Black man with a microphone asks white peoples and Black peoples what they call the children of their mom’s best friend. Most Black folk responded with “cousin.” The white people interviewed said some variation of friend. This divide clearly shows the level of intimacy Black families expect from close friends. I probably would have replied with “play cousin.”

The current interest in “traditional” relationships also comes at a time when Americans are more isolated, less communal, and less invested in platonic relationships. Yet you don’t see trad wives with girl friends. I’m not even sure alpha podcast men have friendships. A conservative American idea of the family unit only includes man, wife, and 2.5 children. Meanwhile, I didn’t find out one of my three uncles wasn’t blood related until middle school. And so, I’m wondering how friendships fit into family dynamics along racial lines. With that, is friendship an American value the way we’re taught around thanksgiving at grade school. (I can guess the answer without much brainpower.)

But, the more interesting question from this exploration might be to consider why the US wants to have the image of being a nation about friendship. Teacher frame the story of Thanksgiving as a story about friendship. The story of the Statue of Liberty also involves friendship with France. Politicians often talk about countries that are friendly with the US. But, in all of these cases the dynamics are not amicable or loving.

So, how do Black Americans define friendship and how does that differ from the definitions most people operate from?

This is not one coherent thought or post just a collection of some ideas that I might want to explore. Leave a comment below with your thoughts and experiences with friends or how you value friendship in your life.