Now that we've finished our turkey leftovers
Post Thanksgiving Reflections
I took a week off for Thanksgiving. But, as we transition from that holiday into the Christmas season, I have been thinking a lot about feeling so culturally tied to Thanksgiving as a Black American while also knowing the holiday and the Christmas season often is a part of an effort for the US as a global power to dress atrocities in twinkling lights.
Historically, Lincoln created Thanksgiving during the Civil War to help unify the nation, as he also sought to end the institution of slavery. Thanksgiving became a critical time for separated Black families to gather. The year before, Lincoln had ordered the execution of 38 Dakota Sioux after the tribed attacked white settlements encroaching westward. The layering of this day of unification and thanksgiving with the story of the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag came as the country tried to distract from atrocities like Jim Crow.
Growing up, Thanksgiving was the time to see my mom’s family all at once. Not Christmas, Easter, or other holidays, the fourth Thursday in November, my mom’s brothers and their children, family friends indistinguishable from my blood relatives, ex-wives, former foster children, and half-siblings all gathered at my grandmother’s dining room table in Rochdale. My grandmother, Mildred McCoy, had an open-door policy around the holidays. Until my dad moved back to New York in 2007, his mother often joined my McCoy side of the family for Thanksgiving dinner, blending seamlessly amongst my mom’s brothers and grandpa. Another cousin’s mother often came even when her son’s half-sister might be across the table.
Thanksgiving was also where I developed my eye and ear as a critic. We were not a “polite conversation only” family. We discussed every topic under the sun before coffee and pie. Once I was old enough not to be relegated to the kid’s table, around ten, I watched as my uncles, mom, and cousins volleyed opinions about the War on Terror and 9/11, Hurricane Katrina disaster relief, and Christian theology. We’d switch from Bush’s introduction of No Child Left Behind to whether or not Mary Magdelene was a prostitute, then back to complaining about work and school.
On my dad’s side, Thanksgiving was when I got to learn about my Caribbean heritage and culture or see a jovial side of my dad. This secluded man who often repressed his feelings and kept most at an arms distance would challenge me to a pie-baking competition (I won) or tell me stories of his childhood and college years.
This year’s muted Thanksgiving included great food, four pies, a cake, 4 of my cousins, and much reflection. Christmas will be equally calm this year. Each year, I seem to spend more and more time grieving versus celebrating. Holidays become even more sparsely attended each year as family members pass away. My dad’s mom died the weekend before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving was my dad’s favorite holiday, and my mom’s mom, who died in April 2020, also had her unique holiday traditions. But, as I reflect on all that’s changed, destroyed, stolen, or dead, I hope and write towards a future more in line with how my grandmothers taught me to celebrate Thanksgiving: a reminder that I belong to a community and a people and that those ties are still worth celebrating.
Do you get the holiday blues? How do you manage so much merriment this time of year? Leave a comment!
Random Thoughts
📚 I am about 2 books from finishing my 2023 reading goals on Goodreads!
🍪 For the past 3 years, I’ve baked 4-5 different types of cookies during this season and am looking for new recipes if anyone has a favorite!
🎵 This year, my top artist on Apple Music (no, not Spotify) was Durand Bernarr, and tbh, I’m happy I’m not just listening to Mariah Carey and Beyonce all the time like last year.